This cheesy infomercial is for a very expensive electric shaver that has been appearing on late night television in the UK. It had to have come from the US because it is the exactly the type of hard-sell that doesn’t work over here. I don’t know about you, but when shaving, I have never thought, ‘Sure I have this normal electric shaver which works fine but if only it were smaller than the area of a credit card but still unable to fit in my wallet because it is as thick as a pack of playing cards.’ It is a bad idea because it is a solution for a problem that doesn’t exist, like a combined bowler hat and duck decoy.
It is, however, the perfect shaver for people that live in their car or at a desk. To demonstrate how well it works we are shown how it is possible to shave under water, especially if you don’t have any facial hair to begin with. (Surely a more convincing demonstration would be someone with a heavy beard having it removed by the shaver?)
But to lessen the blow of the hefty amount of cash you will need to part with for the Micro Force, they then go on to tell you how you will also get a MASSIVE case filled with an impressive array of grooming implements, including nail clippers, a disposable lighter (wtf?) and what looks like a shoehorn. This advert is truly persuasive but unfortunately it is persuades you to buy a BIC.
Cats are okay, I suppose but most of the time they are just purring parasites that just stick with people for the food they can get. In the Whiskas chicken advert I think it is trying to say that their cat food is as good as fried chicken cooked by their owner. The advert shows the cat in the kitchen looking eagerly at the frying chicken. It then puts its paws on the work top. Unlike many people who think, what a cute cat. I just think Toxoplasmosis. I think it is really disgusting to have cats in the kitchen where they will inevitably jump on to the work surfaces. People say that cats are clean, but Toxoplasma gondii is a parasite that can be spread through cat faeces. Imagine the scenario; Cat has a shit, buries it in the garden and then comes into the house, jumps on to the work top where you prepare food. It just makes me feel sick.
Why should cats have food that is tastes like human food anyway? They are quite happy hunting birds or catching mice and rats. I suspect that it meant to appeal to the owners because cat food smells so disgusting that it makes you gag.
This is beginning to feel as though Halifax are deliberately making annoying adverts to piss everyone off. This time in their moronic radio show they are talking about ISAs and the women co-presenter tries to be cool and links the acronym ISA with the Hip-Hop song, ‘Ice, Ice, baby’ by Vanilla Ice. Incidentally, Vanilla Ice is intrinsically not cool being a white rapper. His work is seen as derivative and mainstream but it is exactly the sort of music that might be considered cool if you are a out of touch bank manager who still thinks that Stravinsky’s, Rite of Spring to be a dangerous work.
I hate it when banks to try act cool and ‘down with the kids’. They end up looking like William Hague wearing a baseball cap backwards or David Cameron chasing the popular vote in any television interview. This is how those idiots in the Halifax ad comes across. Not cool, not funny, just embarrassing.
Given the distrust of financial institutions in general, financial products and light hearted entertainment should be kept as far apart as possible. Would you trust your savings with a clown? ISAs are a good thing if you want to save but this advert is terrible.
One series of adverts that is rapidly starting to get on my nerves are the Halifax adverts. It seems I am not alone. Congratulations on pushing back the boundaries of advertising tyranny. First we had Howard, bottle lensed bespecticled bank manager, singing about their latest banking products to popular show tunes or something like that. I cannot remember exactly as my mind has repressed those memories.
Now we have a load of retarded, obese bankers packed into radio studio presenting a show with the inane stupidity that only Radio One can muster. You will get £5 a month if you pay in a thousand pounds every month. Sound like a good deal? Not so fast. I don’t think this is anything for customers to be raving about as this is an interest rate of 0.5% only on the first £1000.
Anyway I digress. We instinctively know the product is crap. This blog is about venting my spline against the advert. In fact there are a number of adverts now. One has them high-fiving each other. Like Jerry Seinfeld, I believe high-fiving is such a low form of primate communication. As he says, even some apes can do sign language now but it seems like a suitable method of communication for the unctuous, knuckle-dragging Halifax staff.
Another advert has them hosting a phone-in show for some inexplicable reason, as a reward, we can choose a bang of a large gong or the ‘reward horn.’ The hapless Halifax customer chooses the reward horn and there is a large Parp from the horn. I think this is a strange sound and that subliminally, it represents the booby prize as in ‘wah wah-wah, wahhhh.’
All the adverts are odious and hide the fact that while they are very vocal about the money that we get by putting money in I don’t hear so many tubas and gongs about their share of the £37 billion pounds of government money used to bail them out.
I have to say this one went under my radar for some time. However, it is a particularly annoying advert because it is so stupid and pointless. Whoever came up with the concept failed on every single level. Picture a domestic scene where an urban woman, geeky husband and some other random fellow that has just popped in for a cup of coffee, are preparing a meal.
They have a large, modern designer kitchen so it stands to reason they choose to make packet rice in the microwave. The geeky husband goes to take the rice out of the microwave (even though it hasn’t pinged). The microwave door is stuck. The women says in a matter-of-fact voice, “Oh, It won’t come out unless you tell it it has no artificial colours or preservatives.”
There are so many things wrong about the reasoning behind this statement, both philosophical and causal that make it clear that her grasp of reality is very tenuous. Are you fucking crazy? It is rice. It is inanimate. Leaving aside the point that it is the microwave door that is stuck and how rice can summon the power to keep it shut. What the fuck has this got to do with rice anyway? If it has no artificial colours or preservatives, then just fucking say so. What sort of a moron would you have to be not to be able to cook ordinary rice anyway?